It’s one of those made-up languages that resembles what English would sound like if it had been flattened by a steam roller and remolded into a completely new language. The language the story is written in is also clearly not English. Muscle-bomb Lance dresses up in drag because-never explained. I wish I was making that up I honestly do. I stopped trying to follow it when Lance Bean (from the original Contra) is sent to the enemy base disguised as a woman. Not just the content, but the way it’s been translated. Narrative ContraveneĬontra ReBirth makes me cry because the story is terrible. While on the way to the badass huge alien, you will destroy hundreds upon thousands of aliens, soldiers, and robots, whilst avoiding millions of bullets, and if you’re good enough, you will see the end. As I explained, it’s basically “shoot enemies and don’t get shot.” Easier said than done, though, and that’s where the fun is. Going over the jist of Contra ReBirth is very simple. And there’s certainly nothing different concerning the weaponry selection, either-with good old favorite Spread Gun returning to destroy everything on screen with minimal effort. You’re still a supply muscled war-mongering one-man army whose only purpose in life is to decimate thousands of soldiers. The way this game operates is the same as it’s always been, which is not a bad thing, after all. Sure it’s fun, but unfortunately, if you’re looking for new…you do get “new,” but you don’t get “brand new.” The name is as misleading as it can get without being called Hello Kitty Earth Rescue: Chippendale Masseuse Parlor. The whole feel and progression of this game is that of every other Contra game. If you haven’t, well, this game loses a chunk of its fun factor straight off the bat.Ĭontra ReBirth reinvents nothing. If you’ve got a buddy, then you’ve got a soldier ready to die for the cause in two-player single-screen co-op. Sound familiar? I’m looking at you, Sonic the Hedgehog 4. Some kind of Contra remake, although really it’s just a new game recycling old elements. The Wii is dying, its successor gleaming across the horizon, promising to bring us a controller that looks like an iPad crossed with some kind of LeapFrog child’s toy.
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